Drabble Collection
by Picklesticks
Summary: My drabbles for Naruto, all gathered together in a single spot for future reference and ease. Yaoi, yuri, het, gen all possible, and a range of characters, ratings, and genres.
1. Jiraiya and Temari: Kisses Meme

A/N: Prompt from Andy for a kisses meme: Jiraiya/Temari, angry with a side of sexual tension. I did my best!

* * *

Jiraiya was a master of getting what he wanted, and he had decades of experience in handling a certain sort of female -- the beautiful, deadly, easily-angered sort. In that, the young Suna kunoichi reminded him almost disturbingly of Tsunade at sixteen. Only he'd be hard-pressed to say which of them could be deadlier. And Temari wouldn't be fixing him afterward if he riled her up enough that she hurt him.

But that was all part of the fun.

Getting her riled up enough that she would forget herself was the delicate art, and it produced an exciting result. Definitely worth the risks.

How_dare_ this perverted foreign nin speak like that? Temari's fierce anger drove her before she truly knew what she was doing; the sight of his smirking, challenging expression -- _and with those sensual lips, too, that he was probably very, very good with_ -- made her reason fly away from her, and for a moment, it hovered in question whether she'd go for her fan or take up his challenge.

Then without her conscious bidding, her feet stepped forward, her hand rose to fist that unruly white hair with a harsh grip, and she kissed him demandingly, harsh with teeth and unforgiving. _I'm not some little girl, Leaf._ Long enough to give him a good taste of what Sand women could be like, and then she let go, stepped back, and favored him with a sharp glare before she spun on her heel and walked away.

But Jiraiya had already heard the soft murmur, the words that slipped out even as her eyes pierced him. _Find me tonight._ And a broad, gleeful grin split his face.


	2. Orochimaru and Lee: Kisses Meme II

A/N: Another crack prompt from Andy. This one was "Orochimaru/Lee: YOUTHFUL ENTHUSIASM"

Now honestly, what the hell was I supposed to do with that? The timeline's a little shaky on this one, but it's about a year pre-series.

* * *

Kabuto had fucked up royally.

Orochimaru didn't generally tolerate such things, and only the fact that this was a first for his pet med-nin was saving the boy's life right now. Because if anyone else had _dared _to inflict this… this _thing_on him, he'd have had their guts spilling across the floor right now. But Kabuto was a little too valuable to kill, despite Orochimaru's deep desire to do so.

Because Kabuto, dear little Kabuto, was supposed to bring him a Leaf-nin for his new body. And Kabuto, dear little Kabuto, knew exactly _what _Orochimaru was looking for. The Uchiha was too young yet, needed a little more time to mature before Orochimaru made a move for him, but that was no excuse to offer up _this _instead.

"Not only does he lack even the simplest bloodline limit," the renegade sannin hissed, glaring at Kabuto. "Oh no. That clearly wasn't enough for you. You managed to find the one shinobi in all of Konoha who cannot even mold his chakra!"

Kabuto tried to stammer an apology, but his words were completely drowned out by a shout from the captive.

"NO ONE NEEDS A BLOODLINE LIMIT!" Orochimaru winced, feeling his ears start to ring. _Oh well, I was up for a new body anyway… does it matter that much if this one goes deaf? _"It is ABSOLUTELY POSSIBLE to become the GREATEST SHINOBI without needing such things! GAI-SENSEI SAYS SO! I am GOING TO PROVE TH-"

"Kabuto," Orochimaru said conversationally, "get out of my sight before I forget how much I need you alive." The med-nin paled and fled, leaving Orochimaru alone with the ranting, incoherent, green-clad genin who really, _really _needed to stop ranting.

Taking his body was out of the question – Orochimaru was _not _about to spend three years with no jutsu! Not to mention that even a damned good bloodline limit would not compensate for _that hair. _Or _those eyes. _Or _the goddamn ranting. _

Killing him would be doing far too great a favor to Konoha, in his mind. Better to send back this little annoyance so he could continue to afflict them. But how to shut him up first? Somehow, a simple gag didn't seem nearly enough.

Well, there was always shock. If this didn't work… well, it had better.

Orochimaru took a swift step forward and grabbed the ranting genin by his hideously-cut hair; the impassioned diatribe jolted a little, but did not cease. The kid had guts, at least, even if he didn't have any brains or power to go along. Pity, that. Fear didn't seem to penetrate his lecture. He just stared up at Orochimaru, ridiculously round eyes squinting in what was probably an attempt to look fierce, and kept right on talking.

"Shut. Up." The sannin growled, still to no effect. Babble babble babble.

_Those fools deserve to keep him. _But if he didn't get the kid silenced soon, Orochimaru was going to kill him anyway. So he went ahead with it.

A harsh, biting kiss, and an inhumanly long tongue thrust into the boy's mouth finally choked off the flow of words, and blessed, beautiful silence reigned. And when Orochimaru drew back, rather disgusted with himself for it, there was still no sound. The boy's lip was bleeding, and he simply stared in silent shock at the sannin.

"Feh." The hand in Lee's hair jerked, and he was thrown backwards, away from Orochimaru. "Get out of my sight."

And Orochimaru strode off to find Kabuto, intent on telling him to take that little piece of trash back to Konoha. "And find be a _proper _body this time!"


	3. Explanations: 30Wounds prompt

A/N: Written for 30wounds, prompt: "I fell down some stairs"

* * *

"There must have been at least fifteen of them!" Naruto declaimed loudly. "All of them armed to the teeth, the shortest one at least... at least THIS tall!" He leapt upward, gashing his hand through the air to indicate an extremely improbable height for anyone, let alone a band of raiders who appeared out of nowhere to give a teenage boy a black eye, then vanished into the mists of an overwrought imagination. "But I took 'em down, all of them, and all by myself, too! Some of them just turned tail and ran when they heard that the future Hokage had caught them!"

Kakashi's single visible eye glittered with amusement. Sakura snorted loudly in disbelief, and Sasuke remained silent, rolling his eyes. If it wasn't Kakashi with his porn wasting their time, it was Naruto with his boasting and unbelievable stories.

"Well, Sasuke? Did you encounter the same... ah... grave threat?" It was clear that Kakashi was barely keeping himself from laughing aloud as he gestured toward Sasuke's split lip.

"No." He considered leaving it at that, but the expectant looks on Kakashi's and Sakura's faces – Naruto already knew where the split lip had come from, damn him and his clumsy limbs – and he sighed. "I fell down a flight of stairs."

Sakura immediately proclaimed her sympathy and offered to check Sasuke for any other injuries. Sasuke managed to fend her off, mostly through judicious applications of cutting commentary, dismissiveness, and the famed Uchiha cold shoulder, which was almost potent enough to be counted a second bloodline limit.

As they headed toward the practice grounds, Kakashi held Sasuke back for a moment, murmuring in his ear. "Must have been a very... ah... unusual flight of stairs, then." A finger tapped against Sasuke's neck, and sudden heat flooded the boy's cheeks as he felt an unusual soreness – and remembered Naruto's ardent application of lips and teeth the night before.

"Damn him!" he hissed sharply. Kakashi merely laughed.


	4. Found: 30Wounds prompt

A/N: Written for 30wounds, prompt "You're bleeding."

* * *

I puff into existence in a moment, surrounded by my brethren, our minds filled with our master's mission. There's no need for him to tell us anything, to issue any final orders; the moment we take form, we head out, spreading in all directions like an explosion of yellow, orange, and black.

I twist effortlessly through the maze of the forest; it's important to be careful, since the speed I'm traveling at means any collision will be enough to break the thin structure of smoke and chakra that composes my existence. Somewhere among these trees, Sasuke and Itachi have stopped fighting, and we need to find them.

We travel in pairs; beside me, my twin races. Pairs of us are spreading through the forest like a flood, searching, leaving no stone or leaf unturned. Naruto's urgency is our urgency.

I pause, tilting my head up and inhaling deeply. The forest brings myriad smells, but familiar ones – I sort through them, hunting for anything out of place.

There. It's faint, but unmistakable. Blood. Human blood, and quite a lot of it. I hesitate a moment, considering the possibility that it's someone else, then shake my head a little. I sprang into creation with every memory of Naruto's already imprinted upon my mind, and the scent of Sasuke is unmistakable. Itachi's scent, less familiar, but those memories are vivid – any memory concerning red clouds on black stands strong and bold in my borrowed memory. And the smell of blood – of their blood.

We come to a place where there is no longer any grass, only a small lake of red-stained mud. And in the middle, two figures and the scent of death.

No hesitation. The mission Naruto gave me is now effectively complete, but there's more I can do to help. I leap down from the tree branch to land beside the surviving Uchiha. Sasuke is badly wounded, but triumphant. Itachi's head is no longer attached to his body.

Naruto's precious person is nearly unconscious, though. I drop to my knees beside him, feeling urgency pounding in my veins. I have all of Naruto's memories and emotions, and there's a part of me that wants to crush my lips against his bloody mouth. "Sasuke...?" There's only a momentary tensing of his muscles as warning, and I roll out of the way as a kunai in a weak hand slices the air where I was.

"Hey, hey, hey... don't do that! I'm here to help you!"

Sasuke's eyes open – black; his chakra is too depleted for the sharingan now – and he turns to look at me. "Naruto...? No." He calculates a moment, noting that I simply dodged the kunai but left it in his hand, instead of taking the risk of getting it away from him. "A clone."

"Naruto's coming," I tell him; the words feel odd. Normally, we aren't supposed to acknowledge that we're copies. Then I pull one of my own kunai – as false as I am, though its point would feel real to a target – and throw it at the other clone who stands behind me. He puffs out of existence, and now Naruto will know and come.

Sasuke's expression reflects a moment of startlement at my action, then he laughs softly. "Efficient." I think he's hurt that the real Naruto didn't find him.

"One person alone would take weeks to search this forest," I tell him simply, just in case he was wondering. "How badly are you hurt?" I observe that he's still bleeding sluggishly.

"Pretty bad. Why can't you be a copy of someone useful, at least?" Sasuke lets his head fall back in the mud. He's barely conscious. "Naruto can't do a damned thing to heal anyone." He's just talking. I don't take offense, but merely start trying to search for something that might work as a bandage. My own clothes are as unreal as I am – the same thin structure of chakra and smoke. Sasuke's clothes are a ruin, soaked with blood and mud and possibly other things. Itachi's aren't any better.

But help is on the way; Sasuke and I both turn our heads when footsteps start to sound, and I only get the chance to smile at him one more time before the real Naruto arrives, and I'm gone.


	5. Lee: Anger

A/N: No challenge for this one. Just a little tidbit.

* * *

People often assume that Lee never gets angry, because he never acts angry. He doesn't snap at people, he doesn't generally raise his voice against anyone – shouting, yes, as part of training, or encouragement, or excitement, but never rage. People assume that because he is almost unfailingly polite, that he's somehow inhumanly good-natured.

That isn't the truth. Lee gets angry. He used to get **very** angry. But with great strength comes the need to control it, and Gai has taught Lee that he must completely divorce his anger from his body. It would be all to easy to lash out in anger at someone – throw a punch in reaction to an insult – with fatal results. He can literally kill someone with a single blow, in all sorts of unpleasant ways, and he's pretty sure that if he ever happened, he would drop dead of shame and horror on the spot.

So he's taught himself to bury his anger deep. When he hears someone insulting Gai, or Neji, or Tenten, or any of his friends, he takes a moment to shove his natural anger in the deepest, darkest corner of his soul, and he addresses the speaker politely, sometimes with a smile or at most a calm expression on his face.

It's not because he's calm inside. It's because forcing himself to act calm seems to be the best way to strangle the desire to rip that person's head off.


	6. Jiraiya and Tsunade: Lives

A/N: Another random tidbit.

* * *

Jiraiya's had a thing for Tsunade ever since they were kids. He showed it at twelve by teasing her, getting a gut-deep thrill at her bright anger, her quick responses to him – even when those responses involved a fist burying itself in his stomach. She hit hard, and no 'for a girl' involved.

When she chose Dan over him, he accepted it like a man and kept things the same – he was her teammate, her annoying best friend, and that was plenty.

When Dan died, he didn't pursue her for a while. He knew better than to interrupt her grief.

And over the years, he's given up hope. She's long since made it clear to him that she's not interested, and while he's proud of being the letch that he is, he's gentlemanly enough that he won't force himself on a woman who's said 'no.'

What Jiraiya doesn't know is that Tsunade has a thing for him, too. In fact, she cares about him so much that she continues to push him away. She's the strongest believer in her own bad luck, and his is a life she doesn't want to gamble with.

That's why it hurts so much when he tells her to.


	7. Team 7 and Team Gai: Amusement Park

A/N: Just some silly little crack inspired by a trip to an amusement park

* * *

The first car out of the haunted house held Naruto and Lee – they clung to each other, trembling and wide-eyed, obviously scarred by the nameless horrors they had beheld in the depths of that evil, evil place.

In the car behind them, Gai clung similarly to Kakashi, blinking owlishly as his eyes adjusted from the deep darkness of the horror-chamber to the bright sunlight of early afternoon at the amusement park.

Kakashi lowered his book. "Hmm, it's over already? I was just getting to the good part."

Behind them, Neji and Tenten sat with a very proper distance between them in their cart. Neji's hair was slightly mussed, and there was what looked suspiciously like a hickey slowly darkening into being on his throat. The top button of Tenten's shirt was open.

In the last car, Sasuke rode alone, hands folded, looking utterly unimpressed.

"Wasn't Sakura with you?" Kakashi asked him, raising an eyebrow slightly in question.

"No." Sasuke ignored the faint, reedy call of "Sasuke-kuuun" coming from inside the haunted house. "Let's get going."

It was strange; Kakashi could have sworn that Sakura had flung herself into the little two-person car with Sasuke. But of course, Gai had grabbed onto him a second later, dragging him into the second car by force. Perhaps Sakura had gotten off before the ride had started.

The combined Team 7 and Team Gai headed off to find the roller coaster, with Lee and Naruto dancing on ahead and daring each other to ride the thing in increasingly improbable and unsafe ways. Deep in the very dark bowels of the haunted house, Sakura sat up and rubbed at a sore spot the size and shape of Sasuke's foot on her cheek. "Sasuke-kun? Where are you? Kakashi-sensei? Neji-san?"

Her only answer was mechanized laughter.


End file.
